Consent and Pressure

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Consent

Consent is a term used in Scots Law to describe both or all people involved in sexual activity giving their agreement to willingly participate in sex. Only people over the age of 16 can consent to sex. If you are under 16 click here for more information.

The law describes consent as being “free agreement” which means given in circumstances where there is no coercion involved. The law in Scotland also describes situations where free agreement has not taken place.

Free agreement cannot take place when:

An individual is incapable because of drink or drugs
There is violence or threat of violence
Someone is unlawfully detained
Someone is deceived as to the nature of the activity
Someone thinks the person they are having sex with is someone else
Sexual activity is agreed to by a third person
Someone is asleep or unconscious

Pressure

What sort of things should you consider before having a sexual relationship? It’s a good idea to ask:

Am I sure about this?

Do they want the same as me?

Do I feel safe?

Am I doing this because of other people’s expectations?

And of course, it’s completely fine not to be interested in having a sexual relationship at all.

We can feel pressure to have sex from all sorts of people. It can come from a partner, from our friends, from our families or communities. We can even put pressure on ourselves to have sex to fit in with our ideas about what everyone else does or what kind of person we think we should be.

For some, choosing not to have sex can be a positive choice in their life. People can choose not to have sex for just one night, or for longer periods of time regardless of whether they are in a relationship.

Sometimes people have sex with someone and afterwards wish they hadn’t. If you feel you’ve made a mistake and feel down or worried, talking about your feeling of regret can help make you feel better and help you understand why you made your choice.

Whatever choice you want to make it’s important not to be pressured into doing something you don’t want to do. Remember you have a right to take charge of what happens to you and your body and to make your own choices. If you find yourself in a situation where you don’t want to have sex but are not sure how to go about dealing with this then it can be very helpful to talk to someone about it.